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Motivation and Self Help

How to Stop Crying Before it Starts

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Solutions and tips for how to stop crying before it starts.

There are some people, like myself, who sometimes have a hard time controlling their emotions — they can cry at the drop of a hat. All it takes is some type of difficult conversation or emotional moment for the waterworks to start building up. Many other people can’t understand why we cry — they see this as a sign of weakness. So you may be looking for ways to control crying and stop crying your heart out all over the place to get more respect from other people. Here are a few tips for how to stop crying before it starts.

Take a Deep Breath and Stop Talking

As someone who has been afflicted with this problem since childhood, I find that taking a deep breath when I feel the emotion building up helps a lot. You need to stop talking — the talking is where you reveal the fact that tears are coming, then you can’t control the tears when they start flowing. So deep breath, and stop yammering. Then once you get a hold of yourself, you can proceed with what you have to say, keeping the next suggestion in mind…

Shift Your Thoughts to Something Funny

When you know that you are going to be talking to someone about a topic that is pretty emotional for you, get a firm picture of something funny in your mind beforehand. Someone who fell down the stairs the week before. A funny joke someone sent you via email. A funny Youtube video. Whatever makes you laugh every time you see or think about it. Keep that picture going on in the back of your head while you talk about the emotional subject. As soon as you finish saying what’s on your mind, immediately think back to the funny thought to bring a smile to your face.

And make what you have to say quick. Don’t belabor on tough subjects and conversation if you know that you have a tendency to cry when they’re brought out.

Get Something in Your Hand to Distract You from What You are Saying

You don’t want to think too hard about the emotional subject you are discussing. That is what is triggering the tears in the first place. Thoughts being brought out from where they were formerly under lock and key is why we cry. You have to learn how to control those thoughts if you want to control crying. So one last suggestion is to have something in your hand to distract you as you are talking about a difficult issue that could make you emotional. That way your thoughts are partially on the something in your hand, whether it be a stress ball, a phone that you are playing with (maybe a silent game), or knitting job.

I know how tough it is to control crying. Some of us just have that seemingly uncontrollable urge. But you have to learn how to stop crying your heart out in order to exhibit strength in certain situations. Using these basic suggestions for how to control your crying before it even starts is a great way to start on that goal.

Posted by Jade

 

 

Belly Fat Theory: Our Burdens Go Straight to Our Bellies

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I have this theory: I believe that when we reach a certain age, time or experience in our lives, we start to carry our burdens in our bellies. I think that’s why so many American adults have belly fat — large or protruding stomachs and digestive issues.

I am my own case study for this theory. When I was in college I was so carefree! I had a good time pretty much all of the time, and I didn’t think about anything except passing my exams (easy) and deciding which party to attend on the weekend.Belly

And I looked good. I was a slim trim 135 lbs with curves in all of the right places and a flat perfect stomach that everyone envied. I went shopping all the time and always had the best clothes — the latest fashions.

Back then I actually believed that the world would end soon after I left school, so I wasn’t worried about all of the debt I was accruing and the unmeasured risks I was taking.

But guess what… the world is still here and a lot of that stuff came back to pimp-slap me in my face. There was the extreme debt, the stress of not finding the job I thought I deserved and the sadness of not meeting that perfect guy from my childhood fantasies who I assumed I’d marry in my twenties.

It took a while, but as the realities of life began to descend on me more and more, my body began to change. One day I woke up and I had a GUT for the first time in my life.

Along with this new found “kangaroo pouch pooch” that I had on my stomach, I also developed some weird digestive problems — constipation, diarrhea, bad gas and other problems.

It’s Not a Coincidence
My case is definitely not the only proof of this theory. I know countless people who also went from having slim stomachs in their younger years to gaining significant weight in their midsection (pregnancy and no pregnancy) when they became overwhelmed with life’s burdens.

Sure, it has something to do with diet. But I believe it has a lot more to do with mental stress, depression and “stinkin thinkin” as Zig Ziglar liked to call it.

If you notice, happy young people who live very carefree lives tend to have nice fit stomachs while their stress-filled parents have “belly burden.” Young people eat that same bad American diet as their parents (burgers, fries, chips, ice cream) but still maintain their flat stomachs.

Real Solutions to “Belly Burden”
So enough talking about the problem — what about the solution(s)?

– Commit to a daily mental cleansing. Meditation is a great way to cleanse the mind. It’s like putting your brain on the rinse cycle each day and starting again. Find a quiet place where no one can both you or put on some earphones with meditation music, close your eyes and meditate on the following:

1) things you’re grateful for
2) what you want and need in life
3) things/people/experiences that make your happy.

Also, instead of those hard workouts, try yoga and Pilates first to stretch places that need to be stretched.

– Better eating and diet. Eating for better health is simple: more fruits and vegetables and less of everything else. You should also set up an appointment with your doctor to see if you might have some type of dietary allergy that could be causing the bloat (like a gluten allergy).

– Investigate whether you might be lactose intolerant. This was one of my main issues! I love cheesy Italian meals and didn’t know that I was lactose intolerant. Part of my gut’s “grand debut” can probably be attributed to this. So I started taking lactase supplements with cheesy meals (best to eliminate cheese and milk if possible) and probiotics daily (I like Probiotic Pearls) and finally started to see a positive change after a few months.

– Reduce alcohol and carb intake. This goes along with better diet, but it’s worth a category by itself. Yeasty carbs like pasta and potatoes sit on your stomach and promote bloat. Alcohol and beer is high in yeast, which can bloat the stomach. Drinking a lot of hard liquor can also irritate the lining of the stomach and intestines. Reduce or eliminate your intake of all of these things.

– Depression counseling. Depression is a mental condition that can eat away at you little by little over time. Experts also believe that it is a cause of weight gain and physical health issues. Negative thinking can manifest in the body. Sometimes talking to a professional who will just listen to what you’re going through helps you to see things more clearly. And remember: a whole lot of people struggle with depression, don’t feel ashamed about it.

– Release worry. Dale Carnegie, the author of Stop Worrying and Start Living” gives a simple suggestion for overcoming worry: determine what is the worst case scenario and stop being afraid of it. If that happens, you’ll still be breathing and have another chance to make it right.

– Listen to books by people who “get it.” One of the solutions that has helped me over time was listening to audiobooks by experts, psychologists and regular folks who have been through the same thing. I really enjoy Rhonda Byrne’s audiobook The Power and recommend it to everyone who will listen.

– Do more of what you love. So many people work jobs that they hate to impress people who they don’t even really like. Start a side gig or hobby that you enjoy that gives you great pleasure.

If you think that you may be carrying your burden in your belly, you certainly aren’t alone. Explore what may be going on in your mind that could be causing belly fat and affecting what’s going on in the rest of your body as well.

Posted by Jasmine

Photo credit: Flickr/72213316@N00

 

How to Cope With a Traumatizing Loss of a Loved One

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Many of us have had the unfortunate experience of losing a loved one. Whether it be a parent, sibling, niece, nephew or pet, there is inner pain that hurts to the core of your soul. The problem one faces when mourning is, how do you restart your life pain free? Meaning, when is it alright to have fun, feel good again, smile or laugh?

Experts say that there are five stages to the grieving process when there is a loss:

1- Denial/Isolation
2- Anger
3- Bargaining
4- Depression
5- Acceptance

The first stage is explained as a temporary response during the onset of the death, that is said to be a normal defense mechanism for all. Personally, I believe that to isolate yourself will only worsen the depression that a person feels, so try not to spend too much time alone. Just find a person that cares for you to sit with you even if you sit in silence.It may even help to go to a church or other place where you feel comfortable and welcome to be around others.

The second stage is when your anger is misplaced and directed towards family, strangers or on the deceased. What helped me not have anger towards anyone was the fact that I was surrounded by nothing but love. So if you are surrounded by negativity, remove yourself from their misguided energy and remain near people who are positive.

The third stage is generally when you begin to question if there was anything you could have or should have done to prevent the death. To me, it is a normal behavior to have. Following my own family loss, I instead remained focused on the love that I felt for the departed my entire life. It helped to ease the pain.

The fourth stage is when you experience sadness and regret. Sadness, is an emotion that no one enjoys. Yet, it was a vital part of my healing process. I felt more saddened by not being able to visit my loved one again alive and regretted the fact that I felt the death was sudden.

The fifth and final stage is where you begin to heal and move forward with life. This can take weeks, months or even years to happen completely.

Since every person’s emotional wellness during the grieving process is different, I don’t know if all people experience all five stages in that order. I myself, did not, but I was witness to other family members going through all five stages in order. I believe the relationship that each specific person had with the departed tells how a person will mourn.

Dealing with the loss of a loved one definitely isn’t easy. I think the most important aspect to remember is that the memories of the loved one will never fade. When you are able to experience a positive memory and laugh is when I feel that the recovery process begins.

It’s important to realize that no one is immortal — we have to appreciate and love life to its fullest while we’re here. This is the message that a deceased loved one would probably want to share with family and friends if it were possible.

BIG HUG

Posted by Lorraine

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How to Stay Positive in a Negative World

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With so many negative influences in the media, on the radio, in newspapers and on television, it can be difficult to stay positive in a negative world. Here are a few tips for how to stay positive — tips for how to resist those influences and maintain an upbeat mindset, no matter what.

Call Family & Friends More

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© Light Habersetzer | Dreamstime Stock Photos

Surrounding yourself with positive friends and family can instantly bring fun and laughter to any day. Some of us think that the only time we are meant to interact with family members is during holidays and special events, but that’s not true. Call up your closest sibling, with whom you have always had a positive relationship, to reminisce about the “good times.” Bringing up happy or funny childhood memories can really put a smile on your face and robust laughter in your soul to overpower negative influences. Your close family members can also share their experiences and advise you on how they are managing to stay positive.

Simply enjoying a conversation or a meal with a friend you love can lift up your spirits and bring you hours of enjoyment to distract you from negativity. Be mindful to pick the friends that are good company and won’t drown you with bad news or gossip. Avoid the friends that are always complaining about work, relationships or their children. Call up the friends who always make you laugh, support your dreams and have a positive word to tell you in every situation. Also, be that friend to them in return.

Appreciate What You Have

To a person who is homeless or living in a car, a tiny apartment would be such a blessing. When you put things into the proper perspective, you’ll see that if you have good health, water, food and shelter, you are doing pretty well. You may not like your career choice at the moment, but be thankful that you’re receiving a check at the end of each week or month. You may not have the latest cell phone, but you do have the ability to speak and communicate with the people you love. Separate needs from wants and appreciate that your needs are met. Appreciating every day, every moment and every breath you take is the best start toward a happier life.

Have a Hobby or Special Interest

If you feel overwhelmed by negative influences, fill your days and hours with activities that make you happy. Getting a hobby is really as easy as pulling up an online classified listing and searching the events section. See if there’s a new dance class in your town or an interesting meet-up group to attend on the weekend. Drive out to a special lookout point every day to watch the sun set. Don’t be afraid to try something new — just do it. A new hobby doesn’t have to be expensive — it can be as simple as taking a long walk in the park while feeding ducks or becoming a volunteer for those less fortunate than you.

Each person has a choice — you can live your life full of positive adventures and experiences or allow your days to be consumed by negativity. The more positive people, the better our chances of shifting society into a better place, so make a conscious choice to stay positive and keep pushing forward, no matter what.

Teaching An Aging Parent to Use & Understand The Internet

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Teaching an aging parent to use the internet can be a challenge — it requires great patience and consistency.

My mom is a vibrant, healthy outgoing older woman. Yet, convincing her to use the internet was challenging at first.

I Love You
© Pixeljuice | Dreamstime Stock Photos

Recently, she finally gave in and agreed to learn. So we began early one morning. I called her on the telephone and told her to put the phone on speaker and place it next to the keyboard, so that she could use both hands. I then explained what the internet is and how people use it in their everyday life. I made sure to tell her to ask me any and all questions, that she may have had.

I told her of the many uses of the internet, from work to play. I described how she can send and receive emails to/from her grandchildren, look up recipes, watch instructional videos or just visit different parts of the world. I had her first turn on her monitor and computer tower. Once the screen appeared with the icons, I instructed her to locate the icon that connects her to her internet provider. It took a while, but she soon located the proper icon. Then I started to explain how I was shadowing her on my computer. I did this to make sure she was navigating correctly.

I began to explain to her about the different search engines we were going to use and their general purpose. She was amazed at having the ability to read local news stories and news stories from around the world. To make sure she understood the site to its fullest capabilities, I let her choose a story to read first. She chose a story that looked interesting to her and off we went! She was not overwhelmed by the amount of information I was giving her on our first lesson. I tried not to use technical terms, but used terms that I knew she could relate to. She said using the internet was just like reading a newspaper. The only difference, she said was that, she had more choices of what topics she would read about. I was proud of her.

We spent about 45 minutes on that one particular site. I then wanted her to visit another site. She was excited to continue. I then told her about another popular, well known search engine that I use on a daily basis. I explained to her how amazing this search engine is. I told her that this particular search engine answers any and all questions regarding who, what, where, why or how. I gave her an example that she could relate to, recipes. I had her type in the search box, ” how do I make low fat brownies.” I had her then hit enter. She was ecstatic about the number of recipes that appeared on her screen in seconds. She laughed and stated that she regrets not using the internet years ago.

That lesson, I believe lasted for several hours. I wanted her to understand the vast amount of information she could obtain on the internet. Since then we have had at least 2 lessons a week for a month. Not before long she was using the internet like she had been using it for years. All it took was for me to have extreme patience, time to help her over the telephone and my desire to bring her into the new age of using modern technology. You rock mom!!!

Posted by Lorraine

The Itsy Bitsy Spider Is a Motivational Song

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I learned the song Itsy Bitsy Spider when I was in the 3rd grade. I loved singing it and sill remember all of the hand signals that go with it.

I can’t believe it took this long to realize I was singing one of my very first motivational songs. It’s a song for children about perseverance — it’s telling them to never give up.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider Went Up the Water Spout
You’re happily going about your business, making your way along your path, living your life.

Down Came the Rain and Washed the Spider Out
A trial, challenge, obstacle or tragedy happens in your life that brings you down. You’re devastated because it feels like all of your hard work has been erased or is meaningless.

Out Came the Sun and Dried Up All the Rain
Despite our challenges, there always seems to be a ray of light that eventually appears when we hold on and stay strong.

And the Itsy Bitsy Spider Went Up the Spout Again
We fall down, but we get up. Despite what the spider has been through in this little story, she still gets back up on that spout and starts climbing again.

It’s never hopeless — don’t let anything or anyone stop you from pursuing your goals in life.

Posted by: Jasmine