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Oldest Child Syndrome

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Of course, as parents we all want to provide our children with a better existence than we had growing up. What I realized with raising my own three children, is that they all have different personalities and quirks. Therefore, they all required their own “style” of parenting from me. For example, my eldest child stated that she was unhappy, having to tend to her siblings after school until I returned home from work. We had several arguments/ disagreements on this issue between her and I.

I attempted to explain the reasons why I depended on her to watch her siblings, was most of all, financial. She replied, stating her most true inner feelings. She stated love for her siblings, yet, she felt that she had “no life”. She made me aware of the after school functions she was unable to attend due her her responsibilities to her siblings. I took the night to think of all of what she had said to me.

While rehashing the conversation in my mind that night, a sadness came over me because she was absolutely right! I awoke the next morning desperately wanting to apologize to her for my mistake I made as a parent. I went into her bedroom to speak with her before she went to school that morning. I expressed my sorrow to her for not realizing that the responsibilities that I had given her were severely overwhelming to her teenage life. I then told her that I had made permanent arrangements for after school care for her siblings. Basically, informing her that her services were no longer needed after school. She was now free to enjoy all of her after school functions and/ or just hang out with her friends. She had tears in her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief that I have never her from her before.

To conclude, as loving and caring parents our main goal is to ensure that all of our children experience the greatest childhood possible. As parents, we must learn to “truly” listen and absorb their inner most feelings with compassion. I have learned a life lesson from my eldest child that helped me with future decision making with my remaining children. The lesson of this blog is to let parents know that we can learn lessons from our children, if we listen to them.

Posted by: Eve

 

Tips for Being a Good Step Parent

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When you meet a new person that you like, one of the first questions you’ll want to know is if your new potential partner has a child. If so, and things start to get serious, you’re naturally going to start wondering how you will handle becoming a step parent to this child. Here are a few simple tips to keep in mind if you want to be a good stepparent.

Tip Number One: You Are Joining the Family; Not the Child

As the non-birth parent, you must accept and realize that you are the one joining the family—they are not joining your life, you are joining theirs. Learning how the household structure works takes time and patience. At the beginning, it’s important to observe and learn the personalities and habits of the child. You must also be willing to do any and everything the birth parent would do. For example, be willing to make dinner, help with homework and have quality family time doing what the kids love to do. Most of all it is crucial that you show genuine concern and attention to the children at all times. If you truly love the child’s parent that means you also must love and care for her kids.

Tip Number Two: The Children Always Come First

Raising children is very demanding and challenging—especially if you’ve never done it before. Learning to love a child means that you will incur plenty of daily sacrifices. Being a parent or a step parent can be the most thankless job a person could have.

For example, after a long tedious day at work, you may realize on the way home that there’s nothing at home for dinner. When you were single, you might just eat a hamburger from a fast food restaurant, go home and go to bed. But when you have kids you have to consider their needs. So do you go somewhere to purchase food for everyone or just feed yourself? A good parent or step parent always considers the needs of the children first.

Tip Number Three: The Birth Parent Is Always the “Bad Guy”

When a child commits an act that is deemed punishable in the household, the birth parent is always the disciplinarian. The couple should have a private conversation to discuss this possible scenario in advance, but the final decision about disciplining a child must always come from the birth parent. You may wonder why this is the case. It’s because the child should not believe that the birth parent has been influenced by the stepparent in making the decision to punish for bad behavior. If that happens, the stepparent instantly becomes the bad guy and resentment starts to build. The child must first develop a strong respect and trust for the new stepparent before he or she is allowed to “lay down the law.”


The stepparent must always adhere to the decisions of the birth parent regarding the child. If the stepparent is home alone with a child who has behaved badly, the step parent must immediately consult the birth parent before enacting a punishment. If the birth parent enacts a punishment that the child is confined to his room, the child must remain in his room. This makes the child aware that the birth parent and stepparent are now a team, which prevents potential problems and conflicts in the future.

In conclusion, it is possible to raise well-rounded children in a blended family, but to do so it is essential to put the kids first and make it clear that the birth parent is in total control of all child-rearing decisions. When the child-rearing process is done correctly, as adults the children will realize that the step parent was in their lives to provide love, nurturing and support.

How to Inspire Kids to Be Great

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Children are very impressionable and attentive. Even when you don’t think they’re listening, they usually are. They need a responsible and caring adult in their lives to help them grow up with the same values. You can be a positive inspiration to a young person just by giving her encouragement and a new perspective. Commit yourself to inspiring the young person in your life to be great.

Identify Their Strengths

The first step to inspiring a child to be great is to observe him and try to figure out his strengths. For instance, if he’s the class comedian, he might be good at public speaking or even acting. If he likes to argue his points, he might make a good lawyer in the future. If the girl in your life is a Chatty Cathy, she might make a great talk show host or newscaster.

Tell the Child Exactly Why She’s Great

Once you identify the child’s strengths you should tell her about them. Children are not ignorant — they are very smart and intuitive, especially now that they have so many forms of technology and information at their disposal. One of the top questions that a child will ask is “why?” So if you’re trying to inspire the child in your life to reach amazing heights in the future, tell her exactly why you think she’s great. Explain to her that you noticed she is very good at debating her points and communicating with people, or that she’s very graceful and might make a good dancer. Talk to her about the various careers that require those same skills so that the wheels can start turning in her head as to what she wants to be when she grows up.

Show Them the Results

Kids also need to see the benefits of hard work over many years so that they will be more motivated to do the same thing when they get older. Find a person who has been successful in the field of interest of your young charge and ask that person to show the child what he does and how he lives. This experience can make a very powerful impression on a young person.

While it is important to encourage children to be great, be careful not to push your own personal agenda onto them. Plant seeds of positivity and then allow the child to flourish on his or her own.

3 Tips for Parenting in the Age of Social Media

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Parenting in the new millennium has become more challenging for parents due to the rise in social media. Social media sites have become a large part of many of our everyday lives. The Pew Research Internet Project estimates that as of May 2013, 74 percent of adult women and 62 percent of men were users of social networking sites. The numbers are even higher for teens with an 81 percent social media usage rate according to the Pew Internet & American Life Project.

So as a parent you now have technology bursting at the seams. In addition to all of your other duties, you must now teach your children how to use and navigate social media sites with thought and care for their safety and well-being. They can access these sites from a cellular phone, iPad or laptop just about anywhere. Children don’t know it, but they may face real dangers by having the internet at their fingertips at all times. It is the parent’s responsibility to ensure their safety and educate them on these matters. Here are a few habits and rules that you should consider establishing with your children before allowing them to access any and all social media sites.

Set an Internet Access Curfew

For many school age children, the day begins at the crack of dawn. Your child requires a proper night’s rest in order to perform to his fullest ability while at school. Allowing your child to have internet access in his bedroom at all times of the day and night is a mistake. Your child must be taught early on that internet access is a privilege — not a right. Set a firm curfew when Internet access is shut down for the evening. You can just change the password on your router at a certain hour.

Parental Controls

As a parent, you should understand and utilize parental controls to monitor your child’s Internet activity while she is online. First, have a discussion with your child regarding what social media sites are acceptable to visit while using the internet. Let her know that parental controls are in place. Make it clear that any deviation from the rules you set at this meeting will not be tolerated and consequences will be implemented. When the child knows that you’re monitoring her internet usage, she’ll think twice about visiting certain sites and making certain comments online. Many cell phone companies also offer parental control features.

Discretion and Privacy

When you discuss Internet use with your child, take time to talk about appropriate behavior. Some young children and teens think that it’s perfectly fine to share every detail of their lives online, such as their whereabouts and private pictures of themselves hanging out at parties. They don’t realize that in many cases, your social media presence as a youngster cannot ever be erased from history. Explain the consequences of oversharing, including but not limited to:

1)      The possibility of challenges getting into college or finding work in the future if a hiring manager finds questionable social media activity.

2)      Strangers can easily save their pictures.

3)      People they don’t know (including marketers) can gather private information about them that could be used in many different ways for financial gain.

Parenting is a job that requires love, support, patience and diligence. Children should be taught to be aware of all risks to their safety and future, including those that present themselves on social media sites. They need to understand that giving the world full access to their everyday life is not the best idea. Implement these social media tips for parents and instill healthy Internet usage habits in your child starting today.

Sources:

pewinternet.org/fact-sheets/social-networking-fact-sheet/

marketingland.com/pew-the-average-teenager-has-425-4-facebook-friends-44847

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